Attack of the Killer Rabbit
by SunTreader
Summary: A story mostly making fun of Warriors. The clans are battling eachother when they eventually discover they have to unite to defeat their greatest enemy, the killer rabbit(from monty python). Has al lot of swearing sometimes.


Paste your document here...

**Thunderclan**

**Leader : **Firestar

**Deputy:** Brambleclaw/Hollyleaf

**Medicine Cat:** Jayfeather

**Warriors:**

Squirrelflight

Ashfur

Cloudtail

Praystripe

Sandstorm

Thornclaw

Birchfall

**Apprentices:**

Icepaw

Parispaw

Batpaw

Starpaw

Grasspaw

Dovepaw

Ivypaw

**Kittens:**

Asskit

Bannanakit

**Cats that die very soon:**

Honeyfern

Foxpaw

Brambleclaw

Blossompaw

**Other Cats:**

The Cheshire cat

**Attack of the Killer Rabbit**

**Warriors -** What Really Happened

By Caine

**Chapter One- The Beginning of the End**

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the fricken highledge for a clan meeting" Firestar called.

"What the hell does he want now"? Dustpelt muttered annoyedly.

"Shut the fuck up Dustpelt"! Firestar hissed,

"We are here to announce that that dipshit Leafpool has eaten poisonous berries again and this time we are fortunate enough that she died."

"No" wailed Squirrelflight. "Ha Ha" said Jayfeather. "silence yourselves" Firestar ordered "The clan meeting over. I would like to speak with Dovepaw alone".

"What the hell." Ivypaw complained "Why does that bitch cat always get to get special attention and get sent on V.I.D (very important dumbass) missions while I get ignored!"

"Trust me, there are worse things than being ignored" Firestar whispered in a voice deathly quiet, bright green eyes vacant.

The memories came like a tidal wave, forcing back reality under a sea of all the things he had tried so hard to forget. Tigerclaw, his best friend forever, calling him a pitiful sorry excuse for a cat… tripping on a stick and almost nearly hurting himself that one day…Bluestar calling him fat and all that work it took to kill her and make it look like it was that fucking dogs fault …

"What! You killed Bluestar!" The Cheshire cat exclaimed.

"What the hell, how'd you read my thoughts, mindreader!"

"I can't read thoughts you fool! I just used my brainwave microphone I stole from the Russian terrorist shop downtown!" The Cheshire cat laughed normally.

"Aren't you supposed to be back in your magical fairy land with Alice? " Firestar asked skeptically.

"I'm a secret spy for Leapordstar, but you don't know that cause it's a secret."

"Okay then…" Firestar deered as The Cheshire cat vanished into thin air, leaving only it's creepy stalker smile behind. Firestar stared at the smile for a few minutes in confusion when it refused to disappear.

"Damn!" the smile said suddenly "I'm stuck!"

**"Here let me see if I can get you unstuck with this chainsaw,"** Firestar offered.

"Uh, no thanks." The smile said

"Anyways" Firestar said, turning towards Dovepaw "Tell me what you can hear Dovepaw" Dovepaw closed her eyes and listened as hard as she could.

"Fuckin Shit" she heard Leapordstar, the bitchy Riverclan leader, exclaim as she fell out of a tree and broke her face.

"I hate mother fuckin trees too," Mistyfoot agreed.

"How the hell do those fucking Thunderclan cats do this?" Reedwhisker commented

Dovepaw moved her senses towards Windclan territory next

"What the heck is that?" asked Ashfoot as she stared cluelessly at a pine tree.

"It's the fucking tree we have to climb dipshit," Onestar answered

"They're trying to climb trees too, and failing" Dovepaw reported to Firestar

"Why don't you ever swear?" Firestar queried

Before Dovepaw could reply her sister Ivypaw came storming in, "Brambleclaw tried to kill me!" She complained

"Good. Now go away, we don't care about you."

"You goddam son of a -" Ivypaw began but Firestar cut her off, "Ivypaw, GO TO HELL!"

**The Next Day…**

"Fuck" said Jayfeather as he ran into a tree again.

"Shit" yelled Brightheart as she fell off a cliff and died.

"Firestar!" Hollyleaf called "Brightheart fell off a cliff"

"All right, I'll call another fucking clan meeting" Firestar replied in annoyance.

The clan waited below the highledge for their leader Firestar to speak.

"Okay" Firestar began "Bright heart's in hell now cause she fuckin fell off a cliff'

"No!" Cloudtail wailed

**"**Shut the hell up Cloudtail! It's not a big deal, so don't make it one. Everyone else wanted her to die anyways**" **Firestar growled in agitation

"I would like to speak with Lionblaze and Dovepaw alone" he announced.

Ivypaw heard and got angry, "What the hell you son of a bitch-"

"Get the fuck out or I'll get Brambleclaw to kill you again," Firestar screamed and Ivypaw ran away.

"Lionblaze, I want you to go kill Ivypaw…" Firestar whispered.

"What?" Dovepaw screamed "No way! As much as we all hate her she's my sister for starclans sake!"

Just then Thornclaw ran in screaming hysterically. "All the clans are attacking us!" He yelled in terror.

"Too bad" Firestar said. "as we were saying Lionblaze…"

"Not now Firestar, I have to find out what's happening," Lionblaze insisted.

"Fine then, be like that" Firestar muttered.

"What in the name of starclen…"Lionblaze trailed off as he stepped out of the hollow. Foxpaw, Brambleclaw, and Blossompaw were all dead.

Blackstar, Onestar, and Leapordstar stepped forward.

"You fucking Thunderclan morons are our prisoners now, we own your territory" Blackstar, the Shadowclan leader hissed.

"Never!" Firestar screeched. Blackstar quickly killed him.

"No"! screamed Sandstorm

"I, Hollystar, am new leader of Thunderclan", Hollyleaf declared then started throwing up crayons

"We don't even have a clan anymore, we don't need a leader," Squirrelflight snapped

"Yeah" Agreed sandstorm

"Shut up you fuckers"! Leapordstar screeched "What the hell?" Graystripe growled

"Shut the hell up" Russetfur demanded, "Can I kill him"? She asked Blackstar.

"They'll all be dead tomorrow anyways" Blackstar pointed out.

"What?" Cloudtail exclaimed in shock.

"Enjoy your last night you fuckers" Leapordstar laughed a wicked, evil, exostrangling laugh and pranced away into the mist like an Irish shamrock.


End file.
